Jambo, Sneaker Factorians! Ever wonder to yourself, “gee, I wonder what the guys and gals over at Sneaker Factory do when they aren’t being totally awesome in the store?” Well today is your lucky Labor Day! We are fortunate enough to get an inside look into the world and the life of one of the mainstays of Sneaker Factoria, Padraig Jacobis Minimus Jacobs.
Padraig is a simple man with simple tastes. He likes his eggs hot and his cereal cold. He is a bonafide genius according to six seperate online tests, and confirmed by an Italian doctor who only goes by “Amore.” It it is also being confirmed by my sources inside of the National Historical Society for the Renaissance Leaders of Today, also known as NHSFTRL. Despite being a genius, he still pulls his pants on one leg at a time, and after he eats his eggs and cereal, pulls his pants on and laces his shoes up- he drops serious amounts of knowledge on Sneaker Factorians at our Millburn store. But being an dynamo in the shoe store is only a small part of what this renaissance man of the modern age does, he is also highly skilled in the art of bicycling!
After graduating with a doctorate in AWESOME from Lynchburg College in Virginia, Padraig returned home, the prodigal child, to his family roots in North Jersey where he and his older brother, Maximus, and family were reared. It was on this stage that Padraig and his maximum brother decided that running was not the only stage that they would conquer here in the great Garden State- they had to take over the bicycle scene.
Armed with some sweet bike singlets, some 22’s on their arms (22’s is vernacular for gigantic biceps, 22 inches in diameter), and one of the sweeter Cannondales ever produced here in the USA, and his brother by his side, Padraig is busy controlling local competition podiums all over the world. For a small fee, Padraig will leave his humble roots here in the greatest country in the world and race in the following countries: Ireland, England, Italy, Spain, Uganda, Lesotho, Swaziland, and possibly France. Most recently, Padraig took control of the New Jersey State Championships Crit for ninth place. One observer stated that seeing Padraig ride was reminiscent of a young Alberto Contador. Others remember thinking that he is a Zeus amongst the gods of Olympus.
There you have it, Factorians. That’s the lowdown on one of the greatest Americans that have ever graced the United States of America or the world.
This is Dr. Love saying go see Padraig and let him know you are a fan!